It’s not always easy to define the lines in a relationship, and it seems like when it comes to mothers and their children, the line between “mother” and “friend” can often become blurred, especially during the teen years. You know those dreaded hormone filled years when it seems like almost everything your child wants to do, you can see harm in it for them? They cry, question and even pout when we say that terrible two letter word: NO! They just can’t seem to understand that as mothers our job is to protect them, not to be “accepted” or “liked” by them, so I suppose that’s where this statement comes from, I’ve heard made by many mothers:
“I’m your mother, not your friend”.
It always gets me thinking, mainly because I can’t totally agree with it.
On one hand, I definitely understand that my daughter and I, are not equals, even though people quite often comment that we look like sisters. But besides the fact that I gave birth to her, I’ve been down the same road she is now traveling, which means I’ve met most of the same obstacles that she must now face and I’ve made more mistakes than she may ever make. No matter how old she gets, she’ll never “out grow” me or exceed me, but with that said, shouldn’t I then be the best friend she could ever have?
Out of curiosity, believe it or not, I looked up the definition of friend in the dictionary and the definition that actually makes me think of my mother is this one:
- an ally in a fight or cause; supporter.
Then, I had to peek at the synonyms which are:
- confidant, advocate, backer.
Using that definition, why can’t a mother be a friend? It’s not as if I had to look up the word mother, but then again I did. The best definition that I found for mother, after the one that said “a female who has given birth to offspring”, was this one:
- a female or thing that creates, nurtures, protects, something.
- a mother is a female ally, supporter, confidant, advocate or backer, of those she creates, nurtures and protects? Or something like that.
From day one, I’ve done all that was in my power to be my daughter’s ally, supporter, confidant, advocate and backer. Not a day has gone by that I didn’t seek to nurture or protect her. Now that she is a college student, and will soon be out on her own, I still tell her the truth, especially when it hurts, and I remind her all the time that I love her by telling her what she NEEDS to hear, and not what she WANTS to hear.
- a person who will tell you the truth, whether you like it or not!